Thursday, 23 October 2014

self love is not selfish

Submarine (2010)

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm pretty sick of our society's incessant glamourisation of co-dependence. Maybe we've all been exposed to way too many Nicholas Sparks movie adaptations, but everyone seems to be obsessed with this all-encapsulating love, and the idea that you can't be whole without it. In all seriousness, if I see that god-forsaken tumblr Plato quote about people originally being born with four legs and searching for their other half etc. etc...I am going to freak out.

When I was a pre-teen, I used to worry what was wrong with me - everyone else was getting 'boyfriends' and I still struggled to get a hi-5 from a guy. And I know I'm only 16, but I've decided I'm completely over it. I know there's no point in pursuing a relationship just to say that I'm no longer single. To put it quite simply, there should be more to life.

I think this idea that being in a relationship will make you a better person is really harmful; for me anyway, there's always the little voice at the back of my head constantly asking me why I have any reason to be proud or confident. But I'm working hard to convince that voice otherwise. I know that focusing on making myself a better person will be way more effective than waiting for someone else to do it for me.

Like you were supposed to, I always hated the popular 'bitchy' girls in the movies I watched. I rejoiced when they were humiliated at the end. It was only recently I realised that we've been conditioned to believe that having confidence in yourself is a bad thing. I still have to backtrack when I find myself silently judging a girl for no real reason. I know the root of the problem is that I'm jealous of her. But I'm working on removing the envy by trying to improve my own confidence, and isn't that the important thing?

Cordelia Chase aka no 1 badass popular 'bitch'
And it's always comforting to remember that if my method of self-love is doing my makeup for 2 hours before I leave the house, or treating myself to a new shirt, or singing Shania Twain really badly - I don't need to validate my actions to anybody. Basically, concentrating on making yourself feel good feels so much better than trying to keep everyone else happy. Anyone that makes you feel anything less than amazing doesn't deserve a place in your life.

PS: here are a few great articles from that spurred on my self love revelation:

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