badass ladies of TV

I don't know about you, but I often find it pretty difficult to appear confident. In my own experience, it takes practise. I find that one of the best things to help this is to envision a person you admire, real or fictional, and think about them whenever you're feeling uneasy about yourself. This instalment will be about some super cool ladies on TV - I might make this into a series, who knows? God knows I can never get enough of well-written, well-rounded female characters!

 1. Buffy Summers - Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Buffy as a character is just so so important. She subverted the stereotype of the blonde girl in a horror, and basically stuck two fingers up to the 'damsel in distress' trope. She saves the world (a lot) and manages to think up countless witty one-liners whilst staking vampires - no easy feat. Buffy is an immensely strong person and a capable leader but she's also a fierce friend, a caring sister and a loyal partner. She is someone you'd want by your side in the event of an apocalypse, but equally someone you'd love to go the movies with.

2. Blair Waldorf - Gossip Girl 

She is known to most of New York as Queen B so this one is pretty self-explanatory. One of the best things about Blair is how incredibly self aware she is - if someone calls her a bitch, she corrects them; Blair Waldorf is the queen bitch, and you can bet she'll use it to her advantage. She is also extremely self-motivated, determined and literally tireless. Whether it's revenge on a backstabber or success at a fashion show, Blair will not sleep until she achieves her goals. On top of all that, she looks flawless at any given time of day. She even created her own look, identified by the infamous headband - but no matter how hard anyone tries, they will never pull it off as well as she does.

3. Zoe Washburne - Firefly

Zoe's most admirable trait has to be her loyalty. However, one of the most interesting things about her is that this loyalty takes two completely different forms. One is to her husband Hoban, whom she loves unconditionally and whole-heartedly. The other is to her captain Malcolm, whom she fought alongside in the Unification War, and continues to serve faithfully on his ship Serenity as first mate. Zoe therefore has to balance her work and personal life and her husband's occasional jealousy, which she of course does with grace, tact and a level head. Although Malcolm is the captain, Zoe is indispensable; her unwavering sensibilities and clear mind make her the true voice of reason onboard. Many characters with Zoe's level of skills and prowess with a gun get pidgeon-holed into the 'warrior woman' trope, but she easily manages to break free of these constraints. (PS. Sorry for 2 Joss Whedon creations. I'm done now.)

4. Margaery Tyrell - Game of Thrones 

This girl knows what she's doing. She lives in a world where one mistake can mean your head (literally) and she is cautious to the last to ensure she ends up on the winning side. Her charms have enabled her to switch loyalties to whoever is at the top of the ongoing power struggle, which is pretty impressive, considering it's constantly changing in Westeros. Although Margaery is evidently ambitious and even cunning, that's not to say she isn't a caring person. She has a very close relationship with her brother Loras and strives to protect him. Margaery also has the interests of the common people at heart, and often finds opportunities to provide food and support for the masses. She wears priceless dresses, but at the same time isn't afraid to get mud on her hem. Some people (cough cough Cersei) think her actions are all simply a ploy to make her more popular, but I think she has the makings of a great queen. (PS. I am a book purist at heart, and in most instances prefer the ASOIAF series, but in this case I think the characterisation of Margaery is a great part of the TV show.)

5. Tasha 'Taystee' Jefferson - Orange is the New Black

Taystee basically defies all stereotypes set against her. She spent her childhood an orphan, moving from one institution to another; but becomes the mother of her group of friends, the one everyone goes to when they've got a problem. She was involved with drugs; but this was only because Vee was impressed by her incredible numeracy skills. Taystee is incredibly smart and well-read, but also unashamed and confident. Even though she's in prison she strives to be taken seriously, beating out all the other candidates at the job fair - and is rightfully outraged when she doesn't get a real job at the end of it. To top it off, she's hilarious and quick-witted, and amazing at freestyling.

Okay so I ended up realising I could write forever about characters that I love, so before I go, here are some honourable mentions:

• Lady Mary Crawley - Downton Abbey
• Peggy Carter - Agent Carter
• Cordelia Chase - Angel
• Irene Adler - Sherlock
• Jodie Mills - Supernatural
• Sun Bak - Sense8
• Michaela Pratt - How To Get Away With Murder

I hope you enjoyed reading about some of my favourite ladies from TV and you're feeling inspired! I had a lot of fun writing this, so I might continue it soon.

confidence relativity and the #dontjudgechallenge

This post has been brewing for a few weeks but I wanted to make sure I was in a relaxed state of mind, just so this didn't turn into a crazy rant. It all started when I started seeing these videos on facebook and twitter, which soon began to accompany the hashtag #DontJudgeChallenge. For anyone who has been absent online the past month (firstly lucky you) here is a delightful video montage.

The videos all begin in a similar manner - we are introduced to a teenager with a drawn on monobrow, some artfully placed acne spots, or even cotton buds sticking out the ears in some of the more 'outgoing' clips. BUT WAIT! Then they pretend to dab some lotion on their faces, cover the camera to reveal - THEY WERE BEAUTIFUL ALL ALONG!!!

Is my sarcasm obvious?

I can't even begin to explain how messed up I find this craze. Why shouldn't I judge you? If someone who happened to have naturally thick eyebrows or suffered from acne posted a selfie showing their bare face, I would respect them. I would equally respect any of these people who decided to pluck their eyebrows, or someone who loves to experiment with makeup. Really, it makes me happy when practically anyone posts a picture of themselves online. Go do you - I am so glad you're feeling confident today!! But if you made one of these videos, I am sure as hell going to judge you. Who made you President and said you could decide what was attractive and what wasn't? 

From before our calendar existed, monobrows have been depicted in art, often as a sign of beauty. The Mexican artist Frida Kahlo famously emphasised her own in her prolific self-portraits, which have become iconic and influential in the art of self-expression. In fact, it is only Western society who has frowned upon and scoffed at connected brows - and of course this opinion is the one that has prevailed. 

frida rocking the single brow

As for acne, any sane person should know that YOU CAN'T HELP HAVING IT. Although those who are uncomfortable with their copious eyebrow hairs can simply pluck them out, unfortunately the same cannot be said for misbehaving skin. Sometimes no matter how much you wash your face or how many different products you try, you're always going to get spots. Many are uncomfortable or ashamed of their acne and decide to wear makeup, which leads to the other side of the issue.

The problem I have here is that once all these traditionally beautiful kids rub off their fake spots for their 'Dont Judge Challenge' they will be swooned over, even if for their 'After' shot they've spent an hour so they can look their best. Of course there's nothing wrong with that, but it's the fact that if someone has bad skin and they decide to wear makeup, they will get called fake for doing so. This is something I will never understand as nobody looks the same without makeup on - so why should there be rules governing who should be allowed to wear it without being accused of 'tricking people'? A youtuber I watch made a really emotional and thought-provoking video about this topic which you can watch here.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that confidence and beauty shouldn't be relative. There is no one true definition. As cliché as it sounds, it is ultimately true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. First and foremost, the eyes you should care about are your own. Decide what makes you feel comfortable and confident - do you want to contour your face? Cut your hair short? Grow a beard? Wear nothing but black? If it makes you feel good, do it. But if you notice someone that does not fit your idea of beautiful, don't scorn or mock them because of that. Don't judge them. Being comfortable with yourself is one of the most important parts of growing up, but if the only way you can do that is by putting other people beneath you, you're not learning to love yourself the right way. 

self love is not selfish

Submarine (2010)

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm pretty sick of our society's incessant glamourisation of co-dependence. Maybe we've all been exposed to way too many Nicholas Sparks movie adaptations, but everyone seems to be obsessed with this all-encapsulating love, and the idea that you can't be whole without it. In all seriousness, if I see that god-forsaken tumblr Plato quote about people originally being born with four legs and searching for their other half etc. etc...I am going to freak out.

When I was a pre-teen, I used to worry what was wrong with me - everyone else was getting 'boyfriends' and I still struggled to get a hi-5 from a guy. And I know I'm only 16, but I've decided I'm completely over it. I know there's no point in pursuing a relationship just to say that I'm no longer single. To put it quite simply, there should be more to life.

I think this idea that being in a relationship will make you a better person is really harmful; for me anyway, there's always the little voice at the back of my head constantly asking me why I have any reason to be proud or confident. But I'm working hard to convince that voice otherwise. I know that focusing on making myself a better person will be way more effective than waiting for someone else to do it for me.

Like you were supposed to, I always hated the popular 'bitchy' girls in the movies I watched. I rejoiced when they were humiliated at the end. It was only recently I realised that we've been conditioned to believe that having confidence in yourself is a bad thing. I still have to backtrack when I find myself silently judging a girl for no real reason. I know the root of the problem is that I'm jealous of her. But I'm working on removing the envy by trying to improve my own confidence, and isn't that the important thing?

Cordelia Chase aka no 1 badass popular 'bitch'

And it's always comforting to remember that if my method of self-love is doing my makeup for 2 hours before I leave the house, or treating myself to a new shirt, or singing Shania Twain really badly - I don't need to validate my actions to anybody. Basically, concentrating on making yourself feel good feels so much better than trying to keep everyone else happy. Anyone that makes you feel anything less than amazing doesn't deserve a place in your life.






PS: here are a few great articles from rookiemag.com that spurred on my self love revelation:

• Literally the Best Thing Ever: Daily Affirmations
• How to Not Care What Other People Think of You
• Getting Over Girl Hate