life update

This has been one of the busiest and most emotional months of my life to date, and before it ends next week I'm away to London! It's going to be so busy due to Wimbledon but I can't wait to experience the atmosphere - I'll make a post on it once I'm back. Anyway, back to the present.

Prom

I suppose this would be considered my official highschool send-off; although it plays a staple in so many American teen movies it has become almost a rite of passage here in the UK too. It was a very surreal experience for me, as I had my hair done and a long dress on, two things that very rarely happen for me, and a combination of the two only occurring once in a blue moon. If I ever get married I've decided I don't want a dress with a train - way too much effort. One part I did love was the excuse to wear as much makeup as I wanted! I did it all myself (well, with the help of a Youtube tutorial. The wonders of the internet.) The prom was held at the Grand Central Hotel in Glasgow where we had a 20's Great Gatsby-esque theme. Everything looked so classy and beautiful, even if the drinks were absolutely extortionate! Although I suppose that means I've been able to remember the night a lot better (even if was just to cringe over how bad our DJ was.)

School Show - Back to the 80s

As it was my final year of school, I finally plucked up the courage to audition for a main part in our production of Back to the 80s, and I'm so glad I did!!! I have always enjoyed being a part of the chorus but being a main cast member this year has been so rewarding; not only has it improved my confidence so much, it's also helped me make loads of new friends who I would probably never have spoken to otherwise. I will be sorry to part with my alter ego Sheena Brannigan and all the other people who made up William Ocean High School. On the last night I had the privilege of saying the vote of thanks with a friend, which was a true honour to finally be able to recognise the efforts and enthusiasm of all the wonderful people involved. I think it speaks volumes that on my official last day of school I was completely unphased, but once the curtains drew on our closing night, the floodgates opened and I was crying uncontrollably. No matter if you perceive yourself to be talented or not, I encourage everyone to get involved in a musical production at some point in your life - I promise you won't regret it. 

Total Eclipse of the Heart <3

Other stuff...

Although my reading pace may have been a bit slower than usual due to endless show rehersals I've still been keeping up with my Goodreads challenge. A Room With A View is what I'm currently making my way through, but I've read a lot of great books lately, including Fingersmith by Sarah Waters and Longbourn by Jo Baker. I also finished Persuasion, meaning I've read all of Jane Austen's completed novels (I am officially a fledgling Janeite.) I've got lots of other books that I plan to read this year too - maybe a future blog post? 

Thanks to the godsend that is Netflix I've also caught up with all of Orange is the New Black series 3. Seriously, if you've somehow missed the massive buzz surrounding this show, please go watch it. It will warm your heart and break it in half and make you laugh and probably change your attitudes towards a lot of things. 

As I've said I am going on holiday next week so expect more posts soon! What have you all got planned for summer? 

2015 to-do list

Better late than never, right? Having my birthday right at the start of the year always gets me thinking about how many other things could change in the space of twelve months, and 2015 is going to be a big one for me! I've just turned 17 and it seems like this is going to be the year that I'm expected to start acting like a semi-adult, and making some lists is always a good way to de-stress. Here's some things I want to do this year!!!

Books

Reading has always been a big part of my life, so this year I've decided to set myself a Goodreads challenge of 50 books. (here's my profile) Right now I'm really into feminist literature and classics, so if you have any recommendations I'd love them!

A few I'm already planning to read:

• A Song Of Ice And Fire by George R R Martin (nearly 4 down already!!)
• Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy
• The Picture Of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde
• Tess of the D'Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy
• One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel Garea Marquez

Music

This year I already have three gigs lined up: The Kooks, The Black Keys and The Wombats. I've wanted to see all of these bands for a long time so I'm so excited for all of them. I'm also going to my first festival T in the Park this summer and I'm still waiting impatiently for at least some of the lineup to be announced. I'm not exactly the biggest on camping but I'm hoping it'll be worth it! On the music side of things, I'm also hoping to keep up my hobby of violin - when I was younger it used to be a real chore, but after over 8 years of playing I genuinely enjoy it now, and I really hope leaving high school and my obligations of orchestras and ensembles won't change that.

Life

This is the scary part!!! I'm still waiting on a reply from one university until I can finally make a decision, but no matter what it looks like I'll be packing my bags and leaving my hometown in September. I feel way too young to be genuinely contemplating this kind of thing, but it's pretty exciting and I think some change is needed in my life. Some of the things I want to achieve:

• Learn how to cook some meals - I became a vegetarian in 2014 and it's been a really rewarding decision so far, but I really want that to continue when I move away even if I'm a disgustingly poor student. So I need to learn how to make more out of less, and that doesn't mean just pasta bake and omelettes.
• Approach new people myself. I'm in a really good place with all of my current friends, and I'm determined to maintain contact with everyone that's important to me. Saying that, I also can't wait to meet new friends, and that means being confident enough to initiate conversation first - something I desperately need to improve on.
• Keep a diary. A romantic at heart, I've always loved the idea of having some sort of life chronicle to look back on when I'm feeling nostalgic - this undoubtedly came from my pre-teen obsession with The Princess Diaries/Confessions of Georgia Nicolson books series. However I've always failed at maintaining a diary for more than a few months, because I never kept a proper structure. But I've been writing every day this year and I'm going to continue that for as long as possible. My life isn't half as dramatic as Mia's or Georgia's but I still feel accomplished.

So there you have it, along with watching the entirety of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, there's some of the most important things I'm planning to do this year. I hope your new year has got off to a great start, and if it hasn't, don't lose faith - January is never the most exciting month. It's for breaking your unrealistic resolutions in the first week and spending the rest contemplating what you really want from the year. 

teenage dream? nah

As I'm sure many fellow students have, I've been forced to formulate an immediate answer whenever someone asks, 'So now you're about to leave school, have you decided what you want to do with your life?'
And after I've said it more times than I can count, I'm starting to doubt the truth behind my perfect retort to the all-important question. Do I really want to spend the first quarter of my life in education, just to spend the next quarter paying off debt for said education? I've always hated the phrase 'life is short'  but I think it might start to seem like it is when 50% of my time on this planet ends up being used up worrying about school in one form or another.

I feel a certain affinity with Tom Hansen (500 Days...) in that my expectations for life in general have been heightened -and ruined- by the movies. For my recent ambivalence concerning my future, I'm blaming the mighty Richard Curtis; does it really matter if I get a degree? It won't matter that I'm in a dissatisfying dead-end job when I finally meet the love of my life. Unfortunately I've began to realise that Hugh Grant is probably slightly too old for me (just slightly). So we're back where we started and I'm crying over my personal statement again.

are you swooning? i'm swooning. we are all swooning

Perhaps it's my fault for immersing myself completely in fiction and living vicariously through film/TV/book characters - but I keep finding myself just wanting more from life. I'm tired of surrendering to mundanity. I want to fall in love, to speak a foreign language, to ride a camel, to go pearl diving. These things might sound ridiculous when put in a list like that, but the infuriating thing is that I know they are all achievable. And if I cement myself in one place for the sake of studying, are these experiences always going to be just out of reach for me?

Don't get me wrong, I love to learn. I love reading books that are out of my comfort zone. I love working in a team to create something that we are all proud of in the end. I love the satisfaction of finally understanding something I've been unable to get my head round. What I don't love is the be-all and end-all nature of it. Once you have the free will to decide, your choice is to either devote all your time (and indeed money) to education, or reject it completely. I want to choose the first option, but I'm worried I'll be completely consumed by it in the end.

And this is the part where my mother/teacher/adult figure makes an attempt at what they believe to be a sympathetic look, even though they tuned out halfway through my monologue. Then they'll say something vague about how smartphones have turned us into the laziest generation yet, and how we're so ungrateful, how we're so privileged to get this experience, how we must stay in education as long as possible because they didn't...You know the rest. 

I'm left in just as much of an existential crisis as I was before.The hypocrisy of the situation really gets to me - we refuse to take teenagers seriously on any level, but expect them know their life goal before they're old enough to watch Trainspotting.

Some fitting closing words? Choose life guys. CHOOSE LIFE